ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
