I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
