the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
