Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
