So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
