I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
