I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
