there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
