i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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