A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
