You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
