Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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