In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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