I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
