So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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