The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
