oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
