If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
