He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
