summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
