my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
