Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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