shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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