Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
