So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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