he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
