Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
50% drunk capacity currently
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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