yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
