so explain again why im purple
no
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
