escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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