Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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