Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
