i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
