I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
