Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm at about main and main street
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
