pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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