You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
