you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
