just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
