My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
