I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
