It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
