Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
