OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
