In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
