dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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