im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
