You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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