It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
