Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We had to coat check the pizza.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
