you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
